December 3, 2005


Have you noticed how crazy everything gets this time of year?  It seems as if life goes into hyperdrive...and there's nothing you can do about it, no matter how hard you try!  There isn't any way in the world to accomplish everything you need to accomplish, to go everywhere you need to go and to do everything you need to do.  I've been trying to find the time to update my site because I have some new items to list and I can't even seem to get that done!  Sometimes, life is too complicated and it goes way too fast!


In light of how complicated and difficult can sometimes become, I'm inserting a short test here to determine your cognitive abilities.  The outcome may give you some insight into how we tend to over-complicate our own lives!


The following short quiz consists of 4 questions Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult. But don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered each question!

 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

 2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

 Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?

Wrong answer.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend... except one. Which animal does not attend?

Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory and logical thought processes.

Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to shine.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage to cross it?

Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes, understand outcomes of decisions you make and whether you can problem solve in a rational manner.

According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, who conducted this study with over 20,000 senior executives, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all of the questions wrong, but many preschoolers answered several correctly. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most senior executives have the brains of a four-year-old.  They evidently have a brain that is more on the level of a 1 to 2 year old.  Which certainly explains a great deal!



December 10, 2005


Seems like a good time of year to think about some of the deeper thinks of life (putting elephants in refrigerators aside!).  I collect inspirational stories and sayings and wanted to share this one from my collection:


One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."


Hope you're remembering to feed the right wolf.  'Tis the season!


December 13, 2005

I am a human resources professional in my other non-bead life.  I am frequently amazed at how easy it is to offend people though I have completely innocent intentions.  And I am also often amazed at how hard it is to please a group of people though I'm trying to do something nice for them.  I have, for example, arranged a Christmas party to be held at a nice country club only to find out that a few out-spoken employees got everyone stirred up and upset about the fact that blue jeans would not be allowed.  They were so mad that they had to wear a more business casual attire (not a suit or jacket or tie), they refused to go and got several people to boycott the affair in their support.  Another time, I arranged for a party to be held off-site and after-hours so the employees could bring their families, children included.  We provided gifts for all of the kids age 12 or younger...only to have parents of 13 and 14 year old kids get upset because we weren't paying for presents for their kids.  They also complained that they weren't being paid to attend the party, even though attendance was voluntary and the meal was free.  Once I had a Christmas dinner catered only to have a group of employees complain because they wanted to have a potluck.  So the next year, we had a potluck and a group of employee complained that the company was too cheap to pay for their dinner!!!   Trust me...there is NO WAY to win!!!  No matter what is done, someone is going to be offended, upset and angry and they will complain loud and long even when you have tried to explain why it was done and apologized for offending them!!  So perhaps I'm a bit cynical, which may explain why I enjoy the following e-mail that is making the rounds among those who work in the human resources field.  And for the record, I'm sorry if you are offended by the following e-mail.  I didn't write it and it in no way reflects my personal feelings or convictions about any of the respective groups mentioned herein.  It is a PARODY, and as such, it is written to illustrate a point.  The point:  that you might be able to please a few of the people some of the time, but you shouldn't count on it because, more than likely, you'll make more people mad than you'll make happy, no matter what you do!!!


FROM:    Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO:    All Employees
DATE:    November 01, 2005
RE:      Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take  place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.





FROM:    Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO:      All Employees
DATE:    November 02, 2005
RE:      Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.

We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are do not celebrate a holiday with a religious connotation or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.


There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.



FROM:   Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO:     All Employees
DATE:   November 03, 2005
RE:     Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?



Forget about the gifts exchange, no gift exchanges are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.




FROM:  Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO:    All Employees
DATE:   November 04, 2005
RE:     Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party -- or else package everything for you to take home in a little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men; each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people.  Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure should taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!  And unfortunately, we will not be able to provide alternate menus for those of you with specific food allergies.  But we can provide larger servings of the foods you are able to eat to make sure no one goes hungry.

Did I miss anything?!?!?



FROM::   Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO:      All The Damn Employees
DATE:   November  05, 2005
RE:     The Damn Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks! I've had it with all you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your damn salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die!

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!



FROM:  Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE:  November  06, 2005
RE:    Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In  the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party.




December 24, 2005

I have been sick...really sick.  More sick than I can remember being in decades!  I am so used to "keeping on keeping on," I thought I would get better eventually.  It was just a sinus, chest bug.  But I guess I spiked a pretty high fever because I spent 24 hours freezing and wracked with chills while I had these delirious, wild, minutely detailed completely bizarre dreams.  Except, I didn't really know they were dreams.  They seemed more like hallucinations.  They seemed real!

I don't even remember my drive home from work.  I just know that I did leave work early because I was feeling so sick.  I collapsed on the couch and the dreams started.  When I woke up, I could barely stand up and I couldn't think.  Couldn't tell what was real and what was a dream.  And I was SO COLD!!!  I collapsed back into delirious sleep and I don't remember much else.  Eventually, I did call a friend and then I called my doctor.  Another friend picked up some prescriptions for me and brought them to me.  Five hours later, I awoke and realized I was better.  I wasn't over it, by any means, but it didn't have me by the throat any more!  The Z-pack was kicking those germs in the butt!!!

So now, I am even more behind than I was before I got sick...and I was already seriously behind!!  I lost a whole week.  I'm still sick.  I'm much better!!!!  But I'm not ready to jump up and down or anything like that.  I may tackle grocery shopping after I sleep a little more.  We'll see.  But most of all, I wanted to wish everyone a blessed Christmas; one that is filled with love and quite happiness.  Stay well!  Have a wonderful and glorious holiday!




December 25, 2005